Chapter Thirteen: Must I Wound You Deeply to Truly Understand You?

Back at the youth work station, Li Xiaoyun sat on the kang bed, lost in thought for a moment. The room was warm and cozy, yet she felt an emptiness deep in her heart.

Having spent over two years in the countryside, she had long seen through the reality. For educated youths like her, without any connections back home, returning to the city was far from easy. Even if she managed to get assigned a job, it would likely be as a temporary worker in a small factory.

But Li Xiangyang was different. She had been asking around about him quite a bit these days. Ever since he shot that deer last time, the villagers spoke of him with a changed tone. After all, in this era, a family that could hunt wouldn’t live a hard life. Moreover, Li Xiangyang was young, tall, and strong. If he weren’t always hanging around Su Yan, he might have been matched with someone by now.

Thinking of Su Yan, Li Xiaoyun felt a wave of frustration. Why was Su Yan so adept at maneuvering her way through relationships? On one hand, she led Li Xiangyang on, and on the other, she was involved with Wang Ming? Wang Ming’s family had connections in the city, so his return was assured. But what about herself?

“Xiaoyun, I just came back from the brigade office,” Zhang Li, her roommate, pushed the door open. “On the way back, I saw Li Xiangyang’s sister. That deer-skin jacket she was wearing looked really beautiful. I heard Li Xiangyang specially sewed it for her from deer skin.”

Li Xiaoyun’s heart stirred. She had never imagined a rural boy could possess such skills. She had always thought Li Xiangyang was rustic and unsophisticated, but now she realized her judgment had been shortsighted.

“What kind of cotton-padded jacket does his sister wear?” Li Xiaoyun asked casually.

“It’s gorgeous!” Zhang Li’s eyes gleamed with envy. “The deer skin is cut with great skill, and the collar is trimmed with a ring of white rabbit fur—soft as can be.”

Li Xiaoyun bit her lip silently. In these times, a rabbit fur collar was a rarity, let alone a decent padded jacket. And Li Xiangyang not only hunted but could also make clothes. Such craftsmanship meant that even if he couldn’t return to the city, he could still live well in the countryside.

“Hey, what do you think about him...” Li Xiaoyun hesitated.

Zhang Li seemed to catch her meaning and teased with a smile, “What, do you have a crush on him too?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Li Xiaoyun blushed. “I just feel like he’s not the same person as before.”

“Exactly,” Zhang Li said knowingly. “We used to think he was spineless, always hanging around Su Yan. But it seems we were wrong.”

Those words struck a chord with Li Xiaoyun. Li Xiangyang now was indeed very different from before. No longer the foolish boy who blindly flattered the educated girls, but a capable man with responsibility.

---

Recalling his calm demeanor in the courtyard today, Li Xiaoyun felt a flush of warmth. There was no trace of the impetuous youth he once was.

“I heard he got a new bow?” she probed again.

“Yeah, I saw him practicing archery at the village entrance today—he shot straight through the target from a hundred paces,” Zhang Li said, lowering her voice. “But you better not make a move on him. I heard he’s not too fond of us city youths now, especially after...”

“I know,” Li Xiaoyun interrupted. “But people can change.”

Zhang Li paused, then chuckled and shook her head. “You, don’t get caught up in him too.”

“How could I?” Li Xiaoyun scoffed. “I’m nothing like Su Yan.”

Yet despite her words, she couldn’t help but wish Li Xiangyang would see her in a new light.

As night deepened, the youth work station grew quiet. Li Xiaoyun lay on the kang but found sleep elusive. Her mind drifted between Li Xiangyang’s graceful archery, the exquisite deer-skin jacket, and the enticing aroma of meat.

She tossed and turned, pondering how best to approach him.

The next morning, Li Xiaoyun rose early to dress and groom herself. She deliberately wore her best blue plaid shirt and pinned a pink butterfly bow in her hair—the favorite accessory she had brought from the city.

“Dressing up so pretty this early—where are you off to?” Zhang Li yawned.

“Going to the mountain to collect pine cones,” Li Xiaoyun said, leaning toward the mirror.

Zhang Li blinked in surprise. “Since when did you take such an interest in gathering pine cones?”

Li Xiaoyun said nothing, adjusting the bow carefully in the mirror. Everyone knew Li Xiangyang went to the mountain every morning—either hunting or checking his traps. If she happened to “run into” him on the mountain...

But plans rarely unfold smoothly.

By the time she arrived at the mountain, panting, she saw only a few village women carrying baskets. No sign of Li Xiangyang.

“That girl, could it be...” Zhang Li shook her head in disbelief behind her.

Undeterred, Li Xiaoyun returned early the next day, this time carrying a bamboo basket, pretending to collect pine cones. Finally, at the edge of a pine grove, she spotted Li Xiangyang in the distance.

He carried his bow and arrows, inspecting traps attached to the trees. Sunlight filtering through the branches outlined his tall, upright figure.

Li Xiaoyun’s heart quickened. Taking a deep breath, she pretended not to notice him and continued gathering pine cones with her head lowered.

---

Footsteps drew nearer.

“This spot’s already been picked clean. Try heading east,” Li Xiangyang’s voice suddenly came from above.

Li Xiaoyun looked up, her face lighting with surprise. “Li Xiangyang? You’re here too?”

He gave a faint “hmm” and turned to leave.

“Wait!” Li Xiaoyun hurried to stop him. “Um... you said there are pine cones eastward? Could you take me to see? I... I don’t really know the way.”

Li Xiangyang paused, glanced back at her. “Don’t you come here often?”

“That’s different,” Li Xiaoyun lowered her head, voice tinged with grievance. “Before, I always came with the group. Alone... it’s different.”

She stole a glance at his reaction. His expression remained calm—neither impatient nor helpful. His indifference left her momentarily at a loss.

“Li Xiangyang, I want to talk to you,” she blurted, startling even herself.

She had intended to approach him gradually, but the words were out now. She had no choice but to press on.

“I admit, I wasn’t kind to you before, looked down on you,” Li Xiaoyun gathered courage and said, “But back then, you were always hanging around Su Yan. Who could respect that?”

“So?” Li Xiangyang asked, his patience evident as he waited.

“So, I want to apologize,” she took a deep breath. “Looking back, I was too shortsighted. You’re far more outstanding than we thought.”

Her voice trembled slightly, but her gaze was bright. “You’re right, it’s not my first time on the mountain. I came here specially to find you.”

Li Xiangyang raised an eyebrow, clearly unprepared for her frankness.

“I know you’re not fond of us city youths now, especially after what happened with Su Yan,” Li Xiaoyun continued. “But I’m different from her. I...”

She hesitated, cheeks flushing. “I genuinely want to get to know you again. Not to have you hunt for me, nor to flatter you. Just... purely.”

Before she could finish, Li Xiangyang suddenly smiled. “At least you’re more honest than Su Yan.”

His words tightened something in her chest.

“I’m not Su Yan,” she said urgently. “I know you’re single now, and so am I. If...”

“Stop,” Li Xiangyang raised a hand to cut her off. “Do you really think I’d believe a city youth who looked down on rural people suddenly changing their tune?”

“I...” she faltered.

“Besides,” he said coolly, “do you really understand me? Or do you just think I can hunt and therefore live a better life than others?”

“What does ‘really understand’ mean?” Li Xiaoyun suddenly raised her voice. “Do I have to be like Su Yan, deceitfully taking your trust and your game, to really understand you?”