Two little children are chatting away on the phone.

Kidnapping All of Humanity A light rain falls in the early morning. 2424 words 2026-04-13 11:09:25

“Mr. Wu, on behalf of the Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress, the Central Committee of the Party, the State Council, and the National Committee of the People’s Political Consultative Conference, I thank you! You have worked hard!”

“Mr. Wu, your courage, conviction, and unimaginable strength have left a deep impression on people all over the world. The United States of America thanks you for your contribution!”

“We salute you, the first Earth hero to make contact with an extraterrestrial civilization, the natural representative of seven billion people! Her Majesty the Queen and the British people look forward to seeing you achieve even greater glory!”

“God bless you, Mr. Wu Qingchen! Your efforts, dedication, sacrifices, and tremendous contributions will be admired by people around the world!”

“Mr. Wu, our Prime Minister sends his regards: The Russian Federation supports you! Whatever you need, please let us know at any time!”

“India…”

“Pakistan…”

“North Korea…”

“Israel…”

“Iran…”

“Mr. Wu, congratulations on your triumphant return! Please take good care of yourself… There are many girls in Japan who admire you—they’re all gentle… um… um…”

Apart from one representative who was dragged away midway, the other delegates from various countries came up one after another, grasped Wu Qingchen’s hands tightly, and shook them.

Their Mandarin was not very fluent, but the lines of gratitude from these seasoned diplomats, their well-practiced enthusiasm, and infectious tone, combined with the carefully calculated strength and rhythm of their handshakes, easily captured Wu Qingchen’s heart.

Praise poured in from many nations; the warmth left Wu Qingchen’s hands trembling and his lips quivering. He had no idea what gestures or words could possibly be worthy of such terms as “unparalleled contribution” and “the infinite gratitude of all mankind” spoken by these diplomats.

In a daze, floating somewhere between reality and unreality, Wu Qingchen watched the diplomats file out, and at some point, even the orchestra had quietly departed.

In the now-empty drawing room, Wu Qingchen was still swept up in his excitement, satisfaction, and pride, unable to compose himself.

“Well?” Ji Mingming’s voice drifted over from the side.

“I’m very happy… no, that’s not quite right… I’m very excited… no, that’s not quite it either… Hmm… how should I put it…” Wu Qingchen’s fists were still clenched tight as he struggled to articulate his feelings. What he knew for certain was the sense of accomplishment brimming in his heart. “Thank you all for trusting me…”

“Five nuclear powers, three unacknowledged nuclear states, plus three covert nuclear states—all supporting you. That’s not just any kind of trust…”

(2/3)

“Huh?” With Ji Mingming’s reminder, Wu Qingchen finally realized which countries these diplomats represented.

Even with almost no political sensitivity, Wu Qingchen understood that if the eleven nations possessing nuclear weapons reached a consensus on an issue, for the Earth, that decision would be final.

In an instant, Wu Qingchen’s sense of fulfillment—and responsibility—doubled!

After savoring the moment for several dozen seconds, and once his mind had cooled a little, Wu Qingchen looked around and discovered that, apart from himself and Ji Mingming, no one else had entered the hall since the diplomats and musicians left.

A bit puzzled, Wu Qingchen asked, “Officer Ji, what’s the plan for today? Why hasn’t anyone come for training?”

“What’s wrong?” Ji Mingming smiled. “So eager for training? I don’t recall you ever being fond of that…”

“Of course not…” Wu Qingchen replied, a little embarrassed. “I just meant, why isn’t anyone here yet?”

“There’s no training for now.”

“Huh?” Wu Qingchen didn’t quite understand.

“All right, let’s have breakfast first. We can talk while we eat…” As he spoke, Ji Mingming pressed his throat mic, and soon four soldiers, who seemed vaguely familiar to Wu Qingchen, appeared.

The soldiers wheeled in a specially designed food cart.

Pushing the cart into the drawing room, the soldiers pressed down on both sides of the cart’s top. The cover slid away silently, and a round tray, loaded with bowls and dishes, slowly rose.

Congee, fried dough sticks, bread, cake, century eggs, pumpkin…

Steamed buns, soy milk, cold noodles, soup noodles, fish slices…

One exquisite dish after another appeared before Wu Qingchen, and in the corner of the tray, as always, were the condiments he’d specifically requested upon returning from the medieval world for the first time: a small bottle of salt and a small bowl of oil.

The whole process took less than ten seconds before the soldiers saluted and left.

Walking over to the cart, Ji Mingming gently pressed the side, and a seat slid out.

Taking the only seat, Wu Qingchen picked up a steamed bun and turned to Ji Mingming. “So, what did you mean just now by no training for now?”

“Well…”

(3/3)

Beside the table, Ji Mingming smiled, then straightened his cap, smoothed his tie, and tidied his uniform.

Then, suddenly, he saluted Wu Qingchen. “Ji Mingming, instructor of criminal psychology at the Jiangnan Province Police University of the People’s Republic, and member of the Clinical Psychology Group of the United Nations Temporary Committee on Celestial Phenomena—apologizing to you, sir.”

“Uh…” Wu Qingchen’s chopsticks, halfway to a century egg, froze midair.

In a tone utterly unlike his usual self, Ji Mingming continued solemnly, “I’m very sorry, Mr. Wu. Without your permission, and without notifying you, we have observed all your interpersonal contacts and social experiences, and have actively or passively infringed on a great deal of your personal information…”

“From this, we learned that you hold views of misunderstanding or disagreement with many aspects of your country’s governance, execution, and publicity, and in your personal life, you have more or less violated relevant national laws and regulations…”

Although he had long expected this, actually hearing it left Wu Qingchen feeling a bit awkward.

“However, from your life story—your choices when facing real-world problems, and your attitude toward various online controversies—we are deeply relieved by your stance…”

“We are deeply relieved that the person chosen to represent our country and all humanity in entering the medieval world is someone like you—a remarkable citizen who loves his homeland, his people, and the world at large, and who also possesses a profound sense of responsibility…”

“Mr. Wu, the gratitude expressed by all those foreign envoys just now was not just empty words. Everyone has seen your efforts. Your hard work is indeed a tremendous contribution.”

At this point, Ji Mingming paused, giving Wu Qingchen a moment to process everything.

And Wu Qingchen truly needed that moment.

Yes, indeed…

If not for the friends I’ve known since childhood…

If not for the homeland that gave birth to me, raised me, and educated me…

If not for the countless beauties of human existence, nourished by the inspirational tales on the world’s big screens…

Perhaps I wouldn’t have been driven to desperation in the medieval world…

But when you’re already exhausted to the bone… do thorns not cut? Do fleas not bite? Does stone…